Sunday, June 24, 2007

Play the Hand You're Dealt

Originally posted March 28, 2007 - Wednesday

Play the Hand You're Dealt
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Hello Friends,
Once again, I miss you. My job is busy, and there isn't any "goof off on the internet time". It's a hard adjustment to make, but please know that as I can, I'll stop by and love you some.

Monday was the "early screen", which is an ultrasound done for women at about 12 weeks of pregnancy, when they are over 35, because of the additional risks to baby. The have to do it at that early stage, because you can still see inside the baby, because the skin is still somewhat translucent. The actual test is called "nucal translucency screen" because it has to do with the neck of the baby. Apparently, as I've come to learn, when a child has a chromosomal defect, (most common being Downs Syndrome) there will be extra fluid around the neck, and they can measure it, only at this early stage, because of the ability to see it with an ultrasound.

Occasionally, a baby will have more than the normal amount of fluid, and NOT have anything out of the ordinary wrong with it. My baby has the extra fluid. We were rushed off to a fetal specialist for a consult on monday, at which time a very nice doctor advised us that there's a 40-50% chance that our baby has a chromosomal defect, and in fact, there's a chance the baby may not even survive. I spent the rest of the day weeping. Not for a "normal child", but for a child at all. I was crushed to know that my baby may not even make it. My brother in law brought it to my attention the next day on the phone, that if there's a 40-50% chance of a chromosome problem, then there's a 50-60% chance that there ISN'T one. It's possible that my baby will make it. The specialist talked us into a procedure similar to an amniocentesis called CVS, where they go into the uterus, very near the baby, and pluck a tiny piece of placenta to test for downs, and other things. There's a risk of miscarriage, 1 in 200. We did the test, and the Dr. was unable to get a viable sample, and did not want to further risk the baby, so he stopped, and offered an amniocentesis in 3 weeks time. Daniel and I have talked about it, and have agreed, we won't endanger the baby again. It is what it is, and we'll love it if we can just have it. I have a friend who had a Downs child, and I distinctly remember telling him how God only chose very special people to deal with such loving children. I meant it, I wasn't stroking his ego. I remember at that time, that I knew I could NEVER handle a special needs child, I'm too selfish. Well, I may be learning some new lessons on love and selflessness.

Everything will be what it will be, which is still unknown at this time, but I do have hope. I would ask all of my friends to bless us, however you choose to do so; in prayer, positive thinking, candle lighting, meditation, whatever. Daniel and I are sure of one thing, for us, It's a baby, not a choice.